A Thing of Beauty

Excuses, Excuses

There's really no excuse for me not posting in a while unless you count getting beaten to a pulp by my daughter an excuse.

I promise, my reader, that I will have something mind-blowing for you soon.

In the meantime, Elayne Boosler anybody? I present you with the (un)FUNNIEST WOMAN ALIVE.

God Love Women!

Please watch this video.  Please watch this video for the unbelievably bizarre interview technique that Meredith Viera has mastered.  Please watch how Madonna wants none of it, and is a straight-up bitch.  But, above all, PLEASE  PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO for the cameo that happen when there is about 30 seconds left. She comes out of nowhere and pounces.  I'd expect nothing less from this woman. 

Methface

When I'm sick, I look like a cross between

THIS:

AND THIS:

I Have a Cold

I know, I know.  These posting titles are seriously the pits, but that's my way.

Anyway, I'm sick with a cold.  The point is that right now I'm convinced that the only thing that will make me feel better is lying on my sofa underneath a blanket and playing "Back on the Chain Gang" by the Pretenders at full-volume, on a loop.  I haven't heard that song in forever, but right now, that's what this sick boy needs. 

Well, that and maybe to take out my weiner and show it to somebody cute (Ladies, are you with me on this one?).

DOES.NOT.GET.OLD.

One of my favorite blogs posted this video awhile ago, and I can't get enough.  Below for your enjoyment.

Reporting Live from Typepad

Now that it's official that Stone Phillips has been fired from MSNBC and Katie Couric just basically blows on CBS Nightly, I guess I should take over?

My Pilates instructor informed me earlier today that "on my bookmarks I have a folder called News, and your blog is in my News folder."

You guys, can someone call all the major networks for me?

Not to be a dick, but I'm sort of really serious now.  Just saying.

Can't There Be a Better Word?

Makeup has the ugliest names.  The worst offender is blush aka rouge.  Those are words that should be used to describe Dolly Parton's farts, not makeup.

SO TRUE!

Ladies, do ya feel me on this one?  I mean, when someone asks me what kinda car I drive, I just say red.  Am I right, ladies?  Men are pigs.

WHAT.IS.GOING.ON.

I was trying to you tube vintage Loretta Lynn performances, and this was the first thing that came up.  There's a whole series of them!  The one below is just a sample. It's basically butch, hillbilly-daddy gay porn ( but tame), and all of these videos are set to Loretta Lynn tracks.  Doesn't Loretta Lynn go totally against the mood of these pictures?!

Might I suggest doing a series of older, nude broads set to a track of Lucille Ball and Bea Arthur singing "Bosom Buddies" from Mame?

Judy Says...

Judy was my therapist for nine months. She looks like an older Linda Gray.  I list important advice she's given from time to time.

This is one of my all-time favorite Judy quotes, courtesy of my assistant. Many times, during sessions, we just talked about Judy.  This is an example of this. 

On over-eating and indulging:

"One time I bought eighty dollars worth of bulk candy."